Fake Samuel

on the mother's phone and she's like here talk to daddy and she hands me the phone and I listen and he's all like hello, hello, hello can you say hi to dady and I'm like NO i can't I'm 7 months old and I haven't yet mastered the art of talking on the cell phone would you just give me a break and because I'm so upset I decide to eat the phone and then the mother's like no don't eat the phone and I'm like how else am I to voice my frustration with my limited abilities, other peoples expectations and society in general. Then she gets back on the phone and its all oh he's trying to eat the phone again. Someday.

And he's like quit chewing on me every chance you get, and I'm like whoa whoa whoa you're the one with the soft chewy exterior that makes such a cool sound when I rub it just right on my gums. And he's like *sigh* whatever, jerk.

And she's all like hey lets go backpacking sometime, we're going on a quick 60 mile hike this weekend in the friggen' rockies, you could come if you want. And I'm like sounds great I love roughing it. I refuse to go without my lunch though, so I'm wondering, who's gonna carry mommy in their backpack?

...and she's like I just went on this phat Canadian vacation with snowtrains and hotels and boxcars in the wilderness for days on end. How many Canadian vacations have you gone on ever? And I'm like, yo. Give me a break I'm like barely 6 months old. Physical age. Mentally I'm like 43.