Fake Samuel

Ok folks. The chair comes with a warning that says specifically not to put the chair on a raised surface, that its only intended for use on the floor. I can't even read and I know enough not to sit in these death traps when they're elevated. Maybe its the baby's fault. Or maybe not. Maybe they were trying to get out of the chairs at the time that they fell. Dumb babies.

So I guess breastfeeding isn't so great anymore. They've found that there is no protective benefits of breastfeeding on me getting asthma. So after all this I'm still at the same risk as any other shmoe who's hooked on the enfamil. Unbelievable. Sure I have the benefits of being insanely more intelligent than the bottle addicts. Sure I don't have the formula saddle bags. Sure I'm leaner and built like a machine compared to those "Biggest Loser" wannabees. But if we'll both be sporting inhalers at a prime time in our lives to score chicks, then who cares.

I have a friend who was raised this way . I believe he is some sort of penguin, but was adopted by humans. They're getting along well from what I hear. Anyhoo.

Why don't I have one of these ? Am I not dropping enough hints? So I'm talking with the folks the other day and I'm like hey when do I get my iPhone and they're like just as soon as we get one and you are old enough to buy one for yourself and you're out of our house, etc. And I'm like thats totally unfair and they're like, hey you pooped your pants, nobody else in this house poops their pants, maybe you should worry about that instead of getting a cell phone. I was so mad couldn't speak. Well, babble. You know what I mean.

So the governor lifted the burning ban for everyone but the UP and the daddy is out there again, playing with fire. I'm out there occasionally when he's doing this and I'm like hey daddy, that looks like fun, you smell terrific, and I can foresee no possible bad outcomes from me helping you out, what do you say? And he's like, uh, no. And I'm like, you never let me do anything around here, this blows. Anyhoo. I'll show him someday.

Well it seems that the braniacs at some university have done some amazing research that shows that married men do less housework than unmarried men. Who does this research? Lets start looking into the big problems in the world. Like diaper rash. I'm sitting here with a raging case of diaper rash, and you're trying to justify your live-in boyfriend? For Pete's sake, go get married and get me some butt cream.

So apparently a hairy Baby was born and it made the news. Whoop de doo. Look, I could have hair if I wanted to, but some of us still follow that old respect your father thing, and how would it look if I beat him in the hair department. Yea, not very good.

A group of "experts" says that artificial life is likely by the time I'm in grade school. Money quote is the last sentence, referring to those who worry that artificial life forms could get out and "run amok": "When these things are created, they're going to be so weak, it'll be a huge achievement if you can keep them alive for an hour in the lab," he said. "But them getting out and taking over, never in our imagination could this happen." As my daddy would say - "For Sure". My take on this? As long as they share their toys, and don't cut off the milk supply, I say whatever. Heck if they taste good and fit in my mouth, I hope they do come.

This guy was on the cover of some album that was popular way back when my parents were young. Anyway they photographed him naked and stuck the picture on the cover! Now he describes the whole incident as creepy. Yea I'd say so. Welcome to my life buddy. I live with the constant reminder that the Father could at any moment put one of many shall we say 'indecent' pictures of me on the internet for the millions who visit his blog to see. Try living my life man.