Fake Samuel

Ok folks. The chair comes with a warning that says specifically not to put the chair on a raised surface, that its only intended for use on the floor. I can't even read and I know enough not to sit in these death traps when they're elevated. Maybe its the baby's fault. Or maybe not. Maybe they were trying to get out of the chairs at the time that they fell. Dumb babies.

So I guess breastfeeding isn't so great anymore. They've found that there is no protective benefits of breastfeeding on me getting asthma. So after all this I'm still at the same risk as any other shmoe who's hooked on the enfamil. Unbelievable. Sure I have the benefits of being insanely more intelligent than the bottle addicts. Sure I don't have the formula saddle bags. Sure I'm leaner and built like a machine compared to those "Biggest Loser" wannabees. But if we'll both be sporting inhalers at a prime time in our lives to score chicks, then who cares.

This guy was on the cover of some album that was popular way back when my parents were young. Anyway they photographed him naked and stuck the picture on the cover! Now he describes the whole incident as creepy. Yea I'd say so. Welcome to my life buddy. I live with the constant reminder that the Father could at any moment put one of many shall we say 'indecent' pictures of me on the internet for the millions who visit his blog to see. Try living my life man.

Apparently those wacked out Baby Einstein videos are bad for you. I never subject myself to such filth, but you can just tell the babies that watch them. They're all like I'm so cool I watch these videos, I know its bad for my health but I do it anyway just for the image. And I'm like well you're dumb. I wanna get into a good preschool and I'm not gonna take videos to get there. And they're like c'mon take a look - it has bright lights and sound. And I'm like I don't need your videos to feel good about myself, I'm on a breastmilk high 24/7.