Fake Samuel

So the folks got me this Bumbo seat the other day. You know them . They're those minimum security prisons for babies that parents buy when they want the appearance of a happy baby but don't want to spend the time with them. Yea it kinda sucks. Anyway, I make sure they know I'm not happy.

We received our Enn Naaa by way of special overnight delivery roughly 2 months ago. I admit, I was initially uncertain of either its function or purpose. Its chaotic flailing movements and loud high pitched squealing noises left one wondering why The Folks didn't immediately "tun off" or be "all dun" with the Enn Naaa. Or at least put it "a why why." Certainly it would have fit in the closet where we put the shoes "a why why." Anyhoo, after sticking it out with, a couple months later it turns out that while I'm no closer to discovering a purpose for this toy, I do seem to find myself enjoying it, screaming out "ENN NAAA" and "ENN NAAA SEEEPING" at random, in apparent happiness. I don't know why I do these things, but I propose that it is some sort of evil toy, sent here by our enemies to infiltrate our ranks and lure us into a false sense of security. Beware! Two thumbs up.

The Father has this great 'Tarr that he pulls out once in a while to amuse me with. I've tested it out myself and I have a few thoughts. 1. A bit large. They could shrink this thing a bit I think. 2. Music? Not when he plays. And the playing style that he employs, this "Nice" method, its very outdated. I'm all for playing, but I don't really want to be limited by having to always play "Nice". 3. Bye Bye Tarr. Done. Oh oh oh wait, I wasn't done. Ok, Buh Bye. 2 strums up.

The Weebleville Town Center is recommended for 18 months and up, but like I care. Let me tell you what I really think about this toy: roll over dang it! How annoying is this? Frustrates me to no end - the mind games these toys play. Sure, Weebleville is an amazing place, with excitement and joy around every corner. But it's every inhabitant makes me want to shoot myself. Then the music starts and I can't stop myself from dancing. Its like some sort of music induced seizure. Its irresistible. So I give this toy one thumb up and and one thumb down.

This was a wonderful addition to my crib. I fall quietly asleep each and every night to the soothing sounds and tranquil lighting effects of my Ocean Wonders Aquarium. Fish swim by, clams say hello and the contraption plays one of 3 mesmerizing songs: Twinkle, twinkle little star, that Lullaby song, and some other song that no one can identify. I've taken the liberty to come up with my own lyrics for the third song: Cry, cry, cry your eyes out and weep, the day is done. Light is gone forever, will the morning come? Everyone who feeds me has left me here to die. Maybe if I'm louder they will hear my cry. Chorus: Yell, shriek, whine, despair Two thumbs up.

We've seen a lot of winners come out of Solo before, but they really have it down with their new release: Green Plastic Cup. Combining form, function, grace and green into one single product reportedly took years of R&D and countless hours of consumer testing. But let me assure you, it was worth the wait. My initial impressions were that the taste was somewhat lacking, but I found that the slight scent of plastic and faint odor of stale ice grew on me. The texture and squeaking noise that it makes against my gums drew me into this product immediately. Its versatility allows it to not only be a cup but also many other things. Offhand I can't think of what they are, but I'm sure there must be something. Anyhoo. Look for a more in depth review in an upcoming post. One and a half thumbs up.

I recently acquired an airplane swing , and feel the need to extol its greatness. Its great. The other day I was riding - no - flying in it and I went up so high that I almost *almost* thought I was going to fall to my death in a burning fireball with pieces of fuselage falling down on all sizes, hitting trees, houses, children, indiscriminately but then at the last minute I pull the cord and eject, gliding down harmlessly while surveying the flaming wreckage and terrified masses and then landing in a field and running, just running, because the plane is gone and I am free, and alive, and so many are not, all while guilt and some small amount of triumph slowly creep over me. But anyway I wasn't that high and pretty soon I just wanted to get out of the swing. Because that kind of power can be overwhelming. Two thumbs up.